Southland Tales - 2006 - Dir. Kelly

I do feel like a little bit of a dick but FUCK YOU RICHARD KELLY! FUCK YOU SOUTHLAND TALES! AND FUCK EVERYONE INVOLVED!!! YOU GUYS ALL FUCKING SUCK! All right, now, I feel bad about that only because, you know, it seems like Richard Kelly really wanted to make this movie. He had a big hit with Donnie Darko so he could ask for a bit of money and have a lot more creative freedom to do what he wants. So he made this. And it is pretty bad. He must have been excited about it. Excited about the ideas. So many ideas. Too many ideas. This movie is like a million movies at once. There's not really any characters. It's sort of cerebral except part of me feels like Kelly didn't take his ideas serious enough... or was afraid of doing so. Maybe because he had no idea what he was talking about. The movie is so disjointed, it feels like it'll get excited about an idea and then move on it repeatedly. Like the line about pimps not killing themselves. All of a sudden, with an hour left to the film, its a catchphrase coming from every direction. The movie has no control. It's throwing insane theories at us, then mocking those theories. I feel like we have no grasp of how seriously we're supposed to take this movie. Is it just dicking around aimlessly? But it sure isn't fun. Especially considering how many comic people inhabit the cast. The movie goes in all directions at once, trying to be Akira and The Manchurian Candidate at the same time. And I love both of those things. And I love Sci-fi, and nonsensical plots and Philip K. Dick and time travel and the Pixies and news media jokes and blimps and sudden endings. SO WHY DON'T I LIKE IT!? I don't know, and I don't care. I don't even give a fuck. We never feel for anyone because the movie isn't really made up of people. So when it attempts for us to give a shit, we don't. I didn't give a shit about a single thing that was going on. Seann William Scott's reflection being late was awesome. That's all I'll give the movie. That's all you get. Better luck with The Box, Kelly. Oh, did I mention the movie is long as fuck and paced like a bullshit machine?

The Rock and Stiffler? Sweet, I must be watching the Rundown, lemme just kick ba- OH FUCK!