RoboCop 2 - 1990 - Dir. Kershner

I had basically written off RoboCop 2 because... well... It's RoboCop 2. There's no way it could even compete with the beloved first film. I knew what RoboCop 3 was like so I just figured it was more like that. But... you know... I had a really great time with this movie. It's... It's basically just like the first one except not as good. But REALLY... the movie take the exact same path. Same kind of conflict and villains. Similar tone. At times, it was a little surprising how closely they mirrored each other. If anything... there's less RoboCop... which is a good thing and a bad thing. It's a Bad Thing because the movie seems to get distracted by all the ridiculous/fun bullshit in it and then remembers there is supposed to be a Robotic Cop somewhere and they just toss him in. It's a Good Thing because RoboCop is a lot sillier in this one. In fact, it works best when they are making RoboCop jokes. I feel like the Sound Design had a little to do with it. RoboCop just SOUNDS less serious, less mechanical, less heavy, which makes his outfit look like plastic with a guy doing a funny walk in it. The best way I state this is like this: Kurtwood Smith's Boddicker is great... Perfect even... Tom Noonan's Cain? Sure, it's not as good. BUT HELL, let us not stick out noses up at Tom Noonan. He's pretty great too. Also there's that goofy murderous kid in it... who is such a piece of shit... I can't help but smile at that idea and how far they really run with it. OH MAN! And that Little League team... That made me laugh... It's just a silly-ass movie, you guys!

You tell that Dead Idiot who is boss, RoboCop 2!!

Patton - 1970 - Dir. Shaffner

I have to admit to not remembering very much about this movie as I write it. There's war in it. And Patton whips a rag tag army into shape... but he's a thorn in the governments side because he's mean and plays by his own rules. He's good at tanks. Germans lose. I dunno. I suppose, George C. Scott is real good in it. I think I ended up being fonder of Karl Malden though. I JUST WANTED TO SQUEEZE HIM!! I remember feeling like the movie was sort of challenging and really conventional at the same time. And kind of too bland to feel like I wanted to be challenged by it. I suppose I do like the idea of Patton's drive being to take part in the war. That in some way it is his destiny... It's an interesting aspect but I feel like the movie doesn't go much further with it. It seems much more interested having Patton come to grips with the higher ups and the bureaucracy of the war. Which, I suppose, IS more cinematic. I dunno. I just wasn't spurred by the film. The washed-out photography didn't help win me over either. Definitely feels like a Coppola script with all the wise-ass remarks. I dunno, I guess I'm not surprised at it being an American Classic...

Duuuuuuhhhhhhhhh...

Captain America: The First Avenger - 2011 - Dir. Johnston

Eh. It's okay. It certainly wasn't bad or make me feel like I was watching something dumb as hell. I suppose my bar can be kind of low for Superhero movies. I guess, I appreciate that the movie seems to put forth the effort to make us give a shit, giving us a nice hefty wad of back story. All that effort made for a pretty long movie but it seemed like a fair trade off. Skinny Chris Evans was pretty neat and it's fun seeing him get all tough and whatnot. Actually, that foot chase might have been one of my more favorite parts. I'll admit that the movie drags enough that I was glad that I could stop it when I wanted. So I'm kinda glad I missed it in theaters. Anyway, The movie was more than just a lot of jokes and posturing (Iron Man 2) with some shitty action thrown in. Sure, I mean, it's goofy. You know... Red Skull being in it and all. It was good of them to give us a nice dose of Hugo Weaving. I say... that's a good call. A perfectly fine Hugo Weaving hanging about, you don't wanna waste it with a ridiculous red skull. I have to admit being pretty supremely bothered by the last line and tone of the ending BUT WHATEVER. WHATEVER, CAPTAIN AMERICA.

Hugo Weaving (with Cube).

The Dirty Dozen - 1967 - Dir. Aldrich

It seems that I'm checkin' out some of the "American classics" that I've neglected. Not to be a dick by putting it in quotes or anything but you know... I feel like there were more Early Blockbusters than Classic works of American Cinema. Being that Cassavetes' appearance was more of draw than anything else. So yeah, I suppose I'll be the dick who puts American Classics in quotes. And you know, Cassavetes is his usual goofy ass self. It's sort of that same big budget high concept blockbuster we've all come to know and love. Ensemble cast, ridiculous premise. Super long. Telly Savalas ended up being probably one of my favorite parts of the movie. That guy is just a nut. This might have been my first Lee Marvin movie too and I can saw I was very impressed with the gentleman and see good things for him in the future. The movie is entertaining enough. Perhaps the slowest point is during the actual mission which devolves into a mass of explosions and characters dropping off the map like it's nobodies business. I have to say, I was surprised that the movie got as... not violent... I guess all the people burning to death seemed a little surprising... It's not like the movie is Inglorious Basterds or something!

Fuckin' love Ernie...

Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol - 2011 - Dir. Bird

This movie just seals the deal: I think Brad Bird is great. As far as I'm concerned, it's pretty incidental that this is a Mission: Impossible movie. I don't think I needed more than the first one and certainly could hardly tell you about the rest of the series. I have the idea that I enjoyed the third one, but that has more to do with me insisting that Abrams made a good movie and not with any actual memories I have of the viewing experience. Anyway, this is all a long-winded way of saying I like the way the movie is directed. It's fun. The characters bounce around like cartoons. OR, if you will, like the fucking Incredibles. The movie is Thrilling, which I suppose is all I really wanted. It's a pretty dumb movie. Maybe the dumbest in the series (yes, dumber than the second). But it's a fun dumb. It's like a series of countdowns and incredible feats with minor or half-assed explanations. And then a lot of jokes. Some good jokes. I liked 'em a lot. Perhaps I would have liked to feel a little more emotionally involved... I didn't really care about what was going on. I didn't care about the villain. But I suppose the movie wasn't about Cruise getting the villain... it's about him and his friends doing incredible things. ALSO, there wasn't much of a build-up to the climax. I was surprised to learn I was in the climax of the movie. For a movie that's more than two hours long, that must mean its paced well but it also illustrates how distant I felt from the film. So I dunno, it's some top-notch action and goofiness, but it doesn't have much more going on apart from that. I guess the thing that makes it okay is that... well... it doesn't feel like they were aiming for much more.

Put some damn shoes on, ya hippie!!!

The Season of the Witch - 2011 - Dir. Sena

You know... I kinda wanted to like this movie. I mean, Cage and Perlman? In plague times!? And I think the premise of dudes transporting someone suspected of a witch has a bit of clout. At least, it gets my imagination going as to what could happen. But I suppose it should come as no surprise that this movie is horrible. It's awful. I stopped the movie twice, and I have no excuse for why I resumed watching. And you know it's a bad sign when you feel like if Topher Grace would have played the priest, it would really elevate the material. The movie tries too hard to be cheap and fun too early on and then tries to be too ponderous when it's too late. Nicholas Cage seems bored, probably because his character is a bore who goes nowhere and does nothing. Perlman just kind of hangs out. The movie doesn't make much of an attempt to maintain suspense or you know... keep us involved apart from asking us "What will the Witch do next?!" repeatedly. I wouldn't have minded a bit more of a period of time where we are actually wondering if she is ACTUALLY a witch. The movie is good enough to at least provide us with some terrible plague imagery. Christopher Lee probably is the high point of the film and gives the performance of his career by laying in bed wearing make-up. And lemme just throw this out here... SPOILER ALERT EVERYONE. WATCH OUT! I'm gonna spoil this movie. But she's not a witch... She's a demon! And the movie tries to act like this is a twist. Like it's pulled the carpet from underneath our feet. A shitty attempt to get us to give a fuck about what it's doing- WAIT? This movie is for teenage boys and not grown men? Oh... (awkwardly leaves). Oh man... the battle/drinking montage in the first ten minutes is so shitty... This movie is so bad...

Dignity.

The Expendables - 2010 - Dir. Stallone

I was pretty psyched for this movie to come out but when it did... I made no attempt to go see it. It got perfectly decent reviews... but I think I just felt... out there in the universe, that this movie would not give me what I needed. I was right... The movie exists uncomfortably between the "seriousness" of Stallone's newest Rambo and the silliness of the 80's action flicks it's clearly influenced by. That struggle probably hurts the film more than anything else. It's not goofy enough to be fun, but it's goofy enough that it is hard to take it as seriously as it'd like us to. Apart from a decent car chase, there aren't really many interesting action set pieces to lift it up. As much as I might have felt "feh" about the new Rambo, I felt at least I was getting some kind of visceral experience. Expendables feels like the action is a lot of overly large boys brawling and firing weapons randomly. The Terry Crews second half of the film is a welcome pick me up but is so artificially inserted that it hurts. Hey, guys, forgot all that other stuff we were talking about: Check out Terry Crews with a big gun! Maybe it's the lack of charisma that makes Crews a sudden bolt of life. Stallone sorta lurches around in front of the camera, making dismal wise cracks with a mopey Statham. Jet Li ends up looking like the golden boy of comic timing compared to most of the cast. So... yeah, I could be happier with the movie. A lot happier. Will I see Expendables 2? Most certainly. I'm a sucker for the genre and I'm willing to see what the "best" and the "brightest" churn out. Even if it isn't that good.

They are have different Hat statuses.

13 Assassins - 2010 - Dir. Miike

I'm so biased towards this movie that it's painful. Samurai? Miike? Yakusho? That's it. There we go. Yes, I would like to see this action movie please. The movie is basically setting up the huge forty or so minute set piece at the end. We get to know our awful motherfucking antagonist. The Badasses that are going to kill his ass. And then them planning on how to do it. Even then... when it happens... there are still tons of surprises that make you say "GODDAMN IT, YEAH!" It's just a really well put together action movie. I am so impressed with Miike. That guy has a lot of range. Sure... it's generally a pretty violent range, but he feel fleshes out of the spectrum of violent movies. And Yakusho... perhaps not typically cast as an "Assassin," he still plays the Leader of the Pack with APLOMB. The man gets so passionate about the assassination that he cries a little at the thought of it! Yakusho is also so good at bringing silence or a quietness to a role. He's an excellent contrast to Miike bombastic style. And when the film explodes by the third act... it feels good. Naritsugu is a great antagonist. A complete sonuvabitch. And I can't help but like a bad guy who gets overly philosophical about all the awful shit that he does. So, yeah, it's just a really tightly made movie about some samurai killing a real dick.

I'm Koji Yakusho and I'm gonna FUCK YOU UP!

X-Men: First Class - 2011 - Dir. Vaughn

To be honest, I'm pretty vague about most of these characters. So I went into the movie being "Who the fuck is Sebastian Shaw?" I mean, having met him, I'm glad I did. He seems like a fine villain. So I felt like a bit of a n00b as you kids love saying. Perhaps this is the comic book movie that feels MOST like a Superhero, Comic Book to me. It toes a really fine line between badass, goofy, and melodramatic. Badass easily embodied by Fassbinder's Magneto who I've heard so much about and he deserves every fine thing said. I MEAN! THAT FUCKING THING WITH THE KNIFE!? Fassbinder did that without special effects. McAvoy, however, I'm not sold on. EH, I guess he's all right. In fact, everyone else. EH, I guess they're okay. Kevin Bacon makes a good german doctor, though. Sigh... This movie just has really great sequences in it and then okay stuff in between. It's just that the sequences are so friggin' cool and well done and everything else is just... bland. And I suppose I could have done with less... kids in the movies. But I suppose we're getting to the point where the majority of movies will be less and less for me. We want the kids to feel included in the superhero movies you know...

X-MEN! YEEAAAAHHH!!! LOOK! THEY'RE MUTANTS! YYYEEEAAAHH!!!!!

The Last Dragon - 1985 - Dir. Schultz

It's a sorta of tricky movie to talk about, because I feel like I should like it more than I do. And I didn't dislike it. I enjoyed it. A cult film I really knew almost next to nothing about until a few weeks ago. It had the simple ingredients of funk, kung-fu, and blaxploitation all rolled up into one film, so it seemed like a pretty safe bet that I would in some sense enjoy the film. I figured at the worst it would boring and poorly assembled like most exploitation films and I've seen plenty of those. It ended up being most like an 80's action movie, perhaps similar in tone to something like "Big Trouble in Little China." With it's over-the-top villains, bits of magic, and pretty much a cookie cutter story-telling. It was campier than I think I expected it to be. Bordering on a cartoon-ish movie. Especially enjoy Sho'nuff. The Shogun of Harlem who seems to have been ODB's father. The whole film is a very reasonable precursor to the Wu-Tang Clan's combination of urban living and kung-fu philosophy. I was surprised I hadn't heard of it sooner. Although, I suppose it comes from a generation slightly older than mine. Or perhaps of the older folks of my generation. The same people that love "The Warriors." Like "The Warriors," it's stylish and a nice snapshot of what an 80's movie is, but ultimately perhaps for reasons I'll never know, my heart remains cold to it.

Sigh... Kanye jokes...

Drive - 2011 - Dir. Refn

A weird, mutant of a film. To some degree, I'm surprised it's gotten the praise it has. It seems like a movie for a certain kind of Idiot. And I'm that kind of Idiot. It's not really one kind of movie... but seems to constantly wish it was a kind of movie. A strange, shifting tone. But perhaps I shouldn't be surprised considering Refn's other work. He seems to love a kind of Ambient hyper violence. The movie is dream-like, unreal. It's 80's soundtrack hums us through the movie. Our unnamed protagonist and his love interest communicate in silent glances. He drives at night, aimless. For a large portion of the movie that is what the movie is. Then tons of violence is heaped onto us. And you know... It's fucking awesome violence. Refn can make a beatin' scene. I'll just throw out the Elevator scene as perhaps the high point in this regard. The violence doesn't even really feel that cathartic because the tension level always feels pretty low. It's a muted b-movie. A well-made B-movie perhaps. Either way. I got a kick out of it. I like the 80's keyboards. I like driving around. I like cute girls and cute relationships. And I like incredible violence. I have no problem with all that stuff jammed together. I'm surprised about the praise... and I wonder if it deserves it. But maybe... everyone wants to see a guy with nothing kick the shit out of assholes.

My name is... Drive.

The Debt - 2011 - Dir. Madden

It's not exactly a memorable movie. To be honest, I think my favorite thing about it is the score. It's a refreshing change to see a female-lead spy-espionage movie without her being a sexpot. The Debt never really goes to that arena of spy-movie, which as I said, I appreciate. I just don't think the movie goes very far outside the theater. It's well-acted. I never really formed an opinion of Sam Worthington and this doesn't really help me any. He can act. Perform the action of acting. He's not a drag to watch or anything. Helen Mirren is great, but I rarely have a bad word for the lady . You know, there's the Nazi Guy and he gets to be all villainous and he does a bang-up job, but I'm not really sure how hard it could have been. Jessica Chastain ends up leaving the biggest impression, but I think I'm just feeling more impressed with her recent output rather than reacting to the actual performance. I mean, she's just picks varied roles and been consistently good at them. But the movie itself is just generally straight-forward with some adjustments here and there. Everything is just fine and dandy and TENSE. I mean, maybe I'm just not a huge fan of spy movies. I feel like I under react to the Bourne movies too.

People walking out of a plane? In a Movie!? No way!

Graveyard of Honor - 2002 - Dir. Miike

A Miike remake of a Fukasaku film seems like an appropriate enough thing to exist. The two men certainly have their similarities. Although, let's not fool ourselves, this is a Miike movie. It is unendingly violent, loud, and strangely enough slow and boring. The man just seems to want to show us someone who can't not hurt people all the time. So, you know, we're never really rooting for the guy. We're just waiting for him to hit the wall. And good god, does it take forever... more than two hours of this jackass screaming and doing insane shit, getting fucked up on drugs. There's an arc of a kind. But the film is like a Punch and Judy show, where the character is a vehicle for violence and that is kind of the long and the short of it. We don't really get many insights into why or even a goofy quirk (like say Ichi the Killer might throw that our way). We're just dealing with a violent dude in a violent movie. This isn't Miike at his strongest. It's not his worst. There's some fun sequences... but they can be pretty far apart. Pretty, pretty far apart. So, I dunno. If you wanna watch a lot of fighting and blood and screaming (that actually sounds more appealing then the movie is), check it out. I think you could do better though.

Guys! I'm Batmmmaaaaaann?

Iron Man 2 - 2010 - Dir. Favreau

I had a bad enough feeling about Iron Man 2 that I didn't pursue it in theaters, despite having a good enough time in the first one. I did well to save my money. Iron Man 2 is a simple illustration of why I am often hesitant about super hero movies these days. First of all, we spend chunks of the movie without a reasonable threat to our protagonist. Except that he's dying... which really just spurs on Tony Stark to act more like an asshole and create tension between himself and his pals, which is the sole point of drama in the film. Sure, there's some Russian guy who is dispatched less than half-way through and Justin Hammer who is so goofy that it makes Sam Rockwell's comic relief the high point of the film. There's absolutely no build up to the climax. Oh great... the final bad guy is... Many Robots? Even the locale is just a series of random environments. The film just fucks around, winking at fanboys and nudging everyone else. The film takes the easy way out of every situation whenever it can and simply runs off of it's assumed charm and light-hearted manner. In the end, it just feels tiring and boring. And naturally, for some reason it thinks it needs to be more than two hours (by a minute, but still, we couldn't have pulled in a hour forty-five for this... it only deserves 90 minutes anyway). There aren't even enough action sequences to really even warrant that running time. It's mostly filled with watching a unsympathetic rich guy mope around and crack wise.

:/

Exiled - 2006 - Dir. To

I had a bit of a To exploration phase in college. It wasn't long-lived. I think I went through three or so before losing interest. His movies were the epitome of confusion for me. I rarely could follow what was going on. I could rarely keep track of the action. There were a lot of spinning and smoke and crap flying everywhere. It certainly seemed nicely directed, but the movies felt like 90's action movies that were a chore to follow. Naturally, I popped this on my queue because of it's western like description and deciding to give the man a chance after so many years. Exiled still has the 90's action movie feel but seems to be a lot more simply told than To's other films. I could follow what was going on in the movie. One of the reasons for that is probably because it's not hard to guess what WILL happen in this movie. Everyone does the thing they should. Unless it was an action sequence in which case it was all spins. He seems to get close to a ballet type choreography but I feel like most of the time, it's just spinning. They're visually nice, but I have absolutely no kind of emotional reaction to those sequences. I just wait until they are over to have figured out what has gone on. So it felt like a pretty good movie to get someone started on To. It's fun, charming at times, has an equal share of good and confusingly directed action sequences, and it's easier to follow than his others despite some goofy plot divergences. Probably if you can't stomach that or don't want to, I imagine you should stop right here.

You guys wanna have a shoot out or something?

Robocop - 1987 - Dir. Verhoeven

I love this movie. I've seen it a small handful of times, but I enjoy myself during every viewing. It's a ton of fun to watch. You can chuckle at it without being dismissive of it and losing interest because of the silliness. It's just silly enough. It has a really nice balance of action and sci-fi elements (neither overwhelms the other). There are a ton of my beloved 80's Practical Effects (is that what they're called?). Easily the most memorable of which would be what happens to Emile after his run in with the Toxic Waste, which is also probably one of my favorite sequences in the film. A host of great/campy actors. Miguel Ferrer and Kurtwood Smith are just a portion of the ridiculous cast of villains but to me they stand out as THE TOPS! Both of which are so slimy and over-the-top. I also get a kick out of Ray Wise's bug-eye and forehead. It's one of those nice movies where everyone seems to be on the same page which helps it maintain the satirical, goofy tone. Peter Weller does a great job being a Robotic Cop. Naturally, something like that could look pretty silly but the thought never even crosses my mind. The script doesn't exactly pull any surprises as far as story telling in concerned but it's just a good example of a well-crafted sci-fi blockbuster. It's very indicative of the time.

Peter Weller. Actor.

Gamer - 2009 - Dir. Neveldine/Taylor

I think I've got to come out and say I like Neveldine/Taylor. I found a Vishnevetsky quote mentioning their "impatient genius, which is really indistinguishable from idiocy." (Thank you wikipedia). I think that sums it up somewhat. They seem to be geniuses of broad strokes. And Gamer is perhaps the best example of that. Because this movie is BROAD, if nothing else. Bad guys are bad, good guys good. Fake world is incredibly and unbelievable shitty. AND LOUD. WITH GREED GREED SEXSEXSEX. KINKY SEX. Like Crank 2. It seems a little more mean spirited than Crank 2. Actually a lot more mean spirited. Which I think detracted from my enjoyment quite a bit. Or maybe it was a bit more of a lack of charisma in the actors. Apart from Michael C. Hall and Kyra Sedwick, both of which seemed to have an idea of the tone... Hall is especially fun, but he's the fucking villain so of course he would be. But Butler... I don't think I've really seen him in anything that's really impressed me. He just looks around at stuff... and runs... and then yells sometimes. The same for his wife, who I guess was just sad looking eye candy. They are no Statham and Smart, for sure. But hey, Terry Crews is awesome. BUT HE WOULD BE, WOULDN'T HE. Anyway, it's a movie that gets me excited for what Neveldine and Taylor could do... but additionally causes me some trepidation. It's evidence that they could make movies that are really great/fun movies that are surprising and not entirely empty-headed or they could just make a lot of crabby violent bullshit that's good for a distraction.

Fuck yeah, Michael C. Hall... Fuck yeah...

Commando - 1985 - Dir. Lester

All right... so the thing is that Commando is the very best movie. That's the thing. If you said, make a perfect action movie, I would hand you Commando and you would tell me that it is too silly and then I would tell you to go to hell because you didn't know anything about action movies and that you were full of shit and I could barely stand looking at you anymore. Then I would walk away from you. Absolutely disgusted. If there is something wrong with a man single-handedly obliterating a private army to save his daughter, well... I'm curious as to what kind of world you live in. And I hope I never get sucked into such a terrible place where no one feeds deer from their hands and smug psychopaths wearing chain mail run wild with no one to keep them in check. My days of telling people that their opinions are wrong and they are stupid and should probably just go fly a kite are over. People dislike being told to fly kites. They will cry. But I will tell someone to fly a kite if they disagree with me about this movie. That is how hard I get about this movie. So let's just all go... and rest easy that the best action movie has already been made and we'll just use all that action movie money to make pornography or action/pornography. DONE.

Vernon Wells just came all over you.

Yojimbo - 1961 - Dir. Kurosawa

I think this is my second or third time seeing Yojimbo. It's been on Watch Instantly and I just randomly threw it on one day. For I while I think it was my favorite Kurosawa flick, I'm not sure if that's still true. That's not to say I like it any less, I've just seen more of his movies. I would always remember Nakadai's weird ass expressions and creepy gun coddling and that definitely held. He makes a great foil to Mifune's shambling ronin and I think their clashes carry the movie through the second half very nicely. I think what struck me most this time around was the Music. I was able to remember the main theme but the other parts of the score are CRAAAAAZZZZYYY... and weirdly minimal. I have absolutely nothing bad to say of Mifune, who is doing what I always associate him with, scratching his face, being lazy, and then becoming suddenly badass. And there is a nice amount of badass-ery. The movie sets up so early that he can easily kick everyone's ass, it's just a matter of him deciding that the time is right. It's a fun movie... a little bit crazier than I remember (The Man banging on the Drum is wacky as hell!) but great nonetheless. It's always sweet to see Nakadai, Mifune, and Kurosawa all being talented together, too.

Awwww.... Hell, yeah!

Sherlock Holmes - 2009 - Dir. Ritchie

I started watching the Jeremy Brett series just in time to get indignant and mad at the yet-to-be released Guy Ritchie flick (Flick being the important word there). I suppose even before that, I had an idea of what a Sherlock Holmes movie should be and all the over-the-top smart-assery didn't fit into my idea. So I have to admit being pretty narrow minded and skeptical. I'm hesitant to say the movie won me over. I was begrudgingly entertained. It's hard not to be. Jude Law and Downey are real charming guys. Ritchie keeps things moving along. The movie functions more as a blockbuster than a real Mystery. There's never any particularly thoughtful moments. Holmes is kind of a Machine in this. He never stops, staring blankly at everything, dissecting it. When his type of thinking is brought into the fight scenes, it's actually pretty fun, but I can't help but feel like I prefer my Holmes at a more easy pace. This is most certainly paced like Ritchie's ever endeavors. The performances and script both kind of reek of him as well. Again, not bad things. I watched Snatch and Lock Stock quite a few times. I suppose it just makes it hard for me to get too excited about anything. It's just everyone doing everything they do well. Except Jude Law. He is extraordinarily handsome. Oh wait... the structure of this movie is totally slipshod. I could feel myself getting yanked around after the first act.

Man... Robert Downey's abs are weirding me out.