The Secret World of Arriety - 2010 - DIr. Yonebayashi

I liked this a lot! I wasn't sure if I was. I'm a Studio Ghibli fan, although to be honest I'm mostly just familiar with Miyazaki's work. But, you know, I figured it would be pretty good being Studio Ghibli but it totally surpassed my expectations. You know... it's not as blobby as some fine ass Miyazakis but Blobs ain't everything. The finer details of the Borrowers' world make the picture pretty damn engaging pretty damn quickly. The Sound work in the house is just the absolute best. You can HEAR the bigness. Like, you know, I felt like I was exploring a whole new goddamn world. So I was charmed is what I'm saying. The movie charmed my damn pants off. Most of the voice acting is real good in the English dub. Will Arnett's casting is especially amusing. And Carol Burnett KILLS as the goofy villain. Although she's hardly a villain, I suppose... Or she's not MUCH of a villain. Sometimes I would struggle with the boy... but I think the nature of his dialogue was more of a hindrance than the acting. Those kinds of lines never seem to translate very well into English and they're certainly not easy to pull off. The movie has a nice emotional core to it, if sometimes a little stilted. It made for a really enjoyable evening and I would definitely get down with it.

OH FUCKING SHIT SOME CRAZY BITCH RIPPED MY ROOF OFF!!!!

Captain America: The First Avenger - 2011 - Dir. Johnston

Eh. It's okay. It certainly wasn't bad or make me feel like I was watching something dumb as hell. I suppose my bar can be kind of low for Superhero movies. I guess, I appreciate that the movie seems to put forth the effort to make us give a shit, giving us a nice hefty wad of back story. All that effort made for a pretty long movie but it seemed like a fair trade off. Skinny Chris Evans was pretty neat and it's fun seeing him get all tough and whatnot. Actually, that foot chase might have been one of my more favorite parts. I'll admit that the movie drags enough that I was glad that I could stop it when I wanted. So I'm kinda glad I missed it in theaters. Anyway, The movie was more than just a lot of jokes and posturing (Iron Man 2) with some shitty action thrown in. Sure, I mean, it's goofy. You know... Red Skull being in it and all. It was good of them to give us a nice dose of Hugo Weaving. I say... that's a good call. A perfectly fine Hugo Weaving hanging about, you don't wanna waste it with a ridiculous red skull. I have to admit being pretty supremely bothered by the last line and tone of the ending BUT WHATEVER. WHATEVER, CAPTAIN AMERICA.

Hugo Weaving (with Cube).

The Adventures of Tintin - 2011 - Dir. Spielberg

With all the people behind the camera for Tintin, I feel like I should have set a higher bar it but I went in expecting merely to be somewhat entertained. And I was. But I feel like it should have been more. I have no sense of the source material so I can't have any of that good 'ole fashioned nostalgia some people might have had. Getting right down to it the movie has one BITCHIN' action set piece. One that's pretty good. And then the rest of the movie is okay... I guess. It's not bad by any means. It's charming enough. I know people were kind of bugged by the style, but I got used to it. I understand why it's employed. It allowed it to be cartoon-y and feel like a live action adventure. Actually, there was quite a few bitchin' action sequences. I forgot about the flashback with the boats and whatnot. That was pretty awesome and made me wanna write a movie with pirates... which is not an urge I am used to having. Haddock is pretty amusing. I felt like he could have been annoying but it worked out fine! The ending felt a little sudden to me. Or rushed. But, being that I wasn't emotionally into the movie, I hardly feel like that's a big deal. The movie was supposed to give me some action-packed thrills and it did, but I feel like I should have been disappointed.

EH...

Hugo - 2011 - Dir. Scorsese

This movie charmed the pants off of me! I originally didn't care to see it. Had absolutely no interest in it. The Poster, the Trailer... I just didn't give a damn. I understood that the movie was basically filled to the brim is cinema talent and it seemed to be received really well. People were talking up the 3D too... so I gave in and paid the exorbitant fee to see the movie. It was worth it! Or at least... I couldn't have been happier with it. It's just a movie that makes you feel all nice and warm. It's really nice looking. Everyone does a real good job. I personally dug all animate/inanimate themes, gears, clocks, and film history appreciation. Finding your a purpose. And the post-war European-ness of it all. It was all great! Even Sacha Baron Cohen, a man who I am getting pretty close to sick of, won me over. If anything, I was surprised to have not liked Chloe Moretz as much as would have thought. Maybe I set the bar too high for the young lady, but most of the things I've seen her in, she's been pretty awesome. But hey, can't win 'em all... perhaps it was her role. Constantly chirping on about adventure. She had some lines that were just tough sells and often rang untrue. It's use of 3D was nice. Scorcese manages to sneak so many nice layers into it all. Smoke, snow. Rather than just depth, it added to the atmosphere. All in all, I had a great time. I mean, anytime you have a plot involving an automaton, I'll be willing to jump in.

Ace Butts and B Kings.

The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus - 2009 - Dir. Gilliam

MAN! Gilliam is nuts. I believe I've said before that I'm a huge fan of his. I was actually kind of nervous to watch this one so I passed up the chance to see it in theaters. It looked a little bit like Brothers Grimm Redux, yeah, I'm still reeling from that one, I guess. It's not Brothers Grimm Redux though... It seems to to leap into the area pretty frequently, but never gets too out of control. To some degree, I find it really refreshing to watch a movie that doesn't really bother with typical storytelling. It's more like a fairy tale. A very scatterbrained fairy tale (I get the impression that some things were edited for time making it more scatterbrained). At the same time, it also illustrates why certain storytelling elements have become so frequently replicated. Gilliam, however, seems more interested in visuals and images. And the movie is chock full of them. Parnassus' stage is friggin' incredible. I was very hesitant with the CGI, Gilliam always seems to work much better with practical effects, but in the end, I think it worked in the context of the film. I was really impressed with the acting in the film. Andrew Garfield especially, after seeing him in Social Network, doing a completely different kind of role. Ledger's performance is a reminder as to how damned good he could be. The Depp/Law/Farrell stand-ins are a little surreal (even in the context of the movie, but they also just look a little creepy) but they work. The movie can be a struggle to keep up with at times but it's a really satisfying modern fairy tale and a breath of fresh air these days. It's not perfect, but it's fun enough to warrant repeat viewings.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh AHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

Ponyo - 2008 - Dir. Miyazaki

I loved this movie! And I was pretty suspicious of it to begin with... well, I was suspicious of the dub. They usually piss me off a bit and I try and not make that the first version I watch. But it wasn't that bad... to be honest, I am struggling to think of any particular detraction dub-wise but it was excellent. The translation is really strong too. I suppose something like this would be easier than something like Spirited Away or Mononoke considering it was much less focused on Japanese mythology and lore. It more based in fairy tales, especially Andersen's Little Mermaid. So I guess there is something a bit more universal. But what I think was it's greatest strength was just how much fun it was. Ponyo could have been especially annoying, you know, excited little girls jabbering on about Ham endlessly. That could get old pretty fast. But I found her pretty damn charming. Sosuke worked out really well too. IN FACT, I never thought I would say it but the children felt like the best actors in the film. I'm not sure how well Tina Fey's comic tone translated to the dub and for some reason Liam Neeson sounded particularly stilted. Maybe he just couldn't really put himself in the shoes of a sea wizard who was in no way mentoring a young warrior.

I hate it when Little Me tries to get out of the Me-hole.

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole - 2010 - Dir. Snyder

I was pretty hesitant to actually take the time to see this movie... I mean... I like owls and all... but Zack Snyder... FOR KIDS? I'm not even sure if I get down with Snyder for the "mature" audience. I'll admit that he probably made the movie way more pleasant to watch than most other directors. I mean, it looks cool. I think there's a kind of banal quality about the sweeping landscapes that makes them somewhat forgettable and unremarkable. As I watched it, I was like... hey... that's great. But I couldn't tell you much about what I saw afterward. Probably on a movie screen with 3D glasses, I'm sure this would have blown me away though. But I watched it on my laptop, instead. The script is an absolute mess though. I know it's based off of a fifteen book series or something but C'MON, but some fucking effort into it. As far as I could tell, they didn't even stick that closely to the books, so I feel like there's no excuse for all that meandering story-telling and herky-jerky pace. And again, I like owls, BUT THERE WERE TOO MANY OF THE FUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS. I feel lucky that so many were inconsequential and pointless, so I didn't feel like I had to keep track. I dunno... I'm not sure if this is a great kids movie and I'm just an asshole. Probably a nice distraction for a kid. I bet i would have been a bit more of a sucker for this if I saw it in 3d... but as I've stated numerous times, I eat that shit up like Buffalo Wings.

Well maybe you shouldn't be flying in a storm you fucking owl!!

The Secret Garden - 1993 - Dir. Holland

It's certainly a nice enough looking film, I'll give The Secret Garden that much. I don't mean to sound like the movie has nothing going for it. I can't help but have a little bit of issue with a movie that involves THIS much time spent with obnoxious children. It could be worse, though, we are lucky that the girl who plays Mary Lennox is capable. Perhaps it also has to do with the film lacking a bit of focus, or maybe my just basic disinterest of whether or not Colin Craven gets better. The more charming parts of the film are those characters who play supporting roles to our "main kids." Dickens, probably the most charming character, is a kind of strange second-banana, being that he doesn't outwardly complain about anything. I suppose there's a little something to be said for the message of "surrounding yourself with death and decay brings only that." I suppose just in general the execution feels a little mundane. I wanted to be taken away more than I was. We end up SEEING what happens, but I didn't feel like we were really exploring much. Just being swept to the next scene. I would have preferred a more visual movie than a narrative. But hey, it's a kids movie.

Awww DAMN! When Mary Lennox got that face on: You KNOW we're in for OLD SCHOOL MISCHIEF!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - 2008 - Dir. Spielberg

All right, so I think I take a pretty forgiving stance on Blockbusters. I give them a lot of leeway and whatnot. Or perhaps I'm just in the company of much more hostile opinions (INTERNET). And I suppose people my age were especially frustrated with the addition of The Crystal Skull into the series, you know, being that we f-ing grew up with the first few. If you can't tell from my tone, I'm cutting Crystal Skull some slack. First of all, I have a theory that people dislike Shia LeBeouf because he is basically a scrawny, dumb white person. I think he is a reflection of us and if there's anything we hate seeing in our Blockbusters. It's us. I think soon he'll get muscles and be handsome like Tom Cruise and then all will be well but until then, it'll be a rough ride. Can I also say, up until the Monkey part, I thought that action set piece was pretty cool. That one with the three cars. I thought maybe it could have been directed a little better and maybe I didn't need fencing. But it was a really neat series of situations with different characters and weapons morphing into one another. You know, I'm trying to figure out if the hostile opinions are backlash from Nostalgia. Were the previous movies as dumb as this? Is it a kind of generational thing where Stupidity manifests itself in different ways? Is it a kind of Stupidity Inflation where the acceptable level of stupidity in a Blockbuster increases as the years go on? Naturally, I was an Idiot Kid back when the movies came out so I can't say. Clearly the movie is silly and goofy, I can't tell how different it really is from the others though. So lemme think it through. There's not really any exciting trap filled cave to explore. I mean, they explore some stuff, but... it's not the same. They really are just exploring, there's no trap boulders. I think perhaps Indiana Jones has just been cannibalized. We've seen it all before. It can only be bigger and more ridiculous. The days of a simple time of puzzle solving is perhaps over, figuring out how to spell Jehova has lost its appeal because we've spelt it so many times before with doofs like Nic(k) Cage. Perhaps there's just an anger that we can't feel the way the originals made us feel when we were kids. Unlike Harrison Ford, we're just too damn old. We'll just have to deal with Shia's insults about our age and take comfort in the winks at the camera every now and then.

Shia's awed silence promptly followed by a NONONONONONONONONONONO!!!

Avatar - 2009 - Dir. Cameron

You know, it's real easy to pick on James Cameron. Because he's really dumb. But hey, he must be doing something right. The man can now pull the US out of the financial crisis if he wanted to do. But clearly from Avatar, he does not want to. This is a rare movie that makes you really wanna stick it to the human race. Not because it offers strong arguments and stirs us emotionally, but because Giovanni Ribisi is our spokesperson. We really got the short end of the stick on that one. So, how does this overhyped blockbuster fare? Well, like any overhyped blockbuster, it ends up just being like a normal blockbuster, just flashy. And YES, it is flashy. It's not incredible. To me, it was a bit of an accomplishment that he was able to sell such bland and unimaginative design to me. It's not quality as far as creativity goes, but quantity as far as details go. The story... though. It's pretty simple (read: stupid), but I really don't hold that against it. It's Dances with Wolves, The New World, uh... those kinds of movies. Just it's out in theaters again. It's for the most amount of people as possible. And there's more children then anyone else and that's just something we have to accept. So, Unobtanium is... uh... that's a thing. A proper noun. You could call it. I was pretty shocked. I mean... Unobtanium... But no, no. I'll accept it. It sorta opened a floodgates for me, because I swore they kept using the term: Flux Flector. Hey, if he can make up one ridiculous word, my mind is just going to run with it. The movie isn't for me. I'll take my Impossibilitium jokes and go. In case you couldn't tell, the bar was pretty low for me. In fact, the bar was resting peacefully on the floor, at home, where I left it before leaving for the theater. I hold no nostalgia for James Cameron. He was making movies I was interested in for a minority of my life. Most of my life, he was just basking in Titanic. I'm not going to hold the man's ability to make a lot of money off a simple story against him. Hell, that's basically his job description. I like Stephen Lang, though.

James is showing What's His Face where the Special Effects will be. DDDUURRRR!!!

The NeverEnding Story - 1984 - Dir. Petersen

Most people of my age probably have SOME kind of association with NeverEnding Story. I probably had less than others, referring to the Luck Dragon as a flying dog and whatnot. It didn't leave much of an impact when I was a kid. A few scenes came back to me as I watched it but the film was mostly unknown to me. It's easy to see why the film was such a big deal: goofy-ass special effects, tons of escapism, and plenty of creatures. The story isn't terribly impressive although I was happy to see the parallels between the quest and battling depression and lethargy. As with all kids movies some of it is subtle and some of it is beating you over the head with it. The movie basically moves you from set-up to set-up for the special/creature effects. Which are still neat to this day. Considering its a mostly German production, it has a Grimm fairy tale feel. Naturally, the movie can be pretty slow and when you get right down to it, I was happy as it ended. Having long past the point where we were seeing anything new or interesting. The film peeks pretty early, perhaps for me the meeting of all the weird big headed, multi-faced people. Although, I guess I'm neglecting some bright spots with giant turtles and goofy crap like that.

I could've used way more Teeny-Weeny and his racing snail.