All right, so I think I take a pretty forgiving stance on Blockbusters. I give them a lot of leeway and whatnot. Or perhaps I'm just in the company of much more hostile opinions (INTERNET). And I suppose people my age were especially frustrated with the addition of The Crystal Skull into the series, you know, being that we f-ing grew up with the first few. If you can't tell from my tone, I'm cutting Crystal Skull some slack. First of all, I have a theory that people dislike Shia LeBeouf because he is basically a scrawny, dumb white person. I think he is a reflection of us and if there's anything we hate seeing in our Blockbusters. It's us. I think soon he'll get muscles and be handsome like Tom Cruise and then all will be well but until then, it'll be a rough ride. Can I also say, up until the Monkey part, I thought that action set piece was pretty cool. That one with the three cars. I thought maybe it could have been directed a little better and maybe I didn't need fencing. But it was a really neat series of situations with different characters and weapons morphing into one another. You know, I'm trying to figure out if the hostile opinions are backlash from Nostalgia. Were the previous movies as dumb as this? Is it a kind of generational thing where Stupidity manifests itself in different ways? Is it a kind of Stupidity Inflation where the acceptable level of stupidity in a Blockbuster increases as the years go on? Naturally, I was an Idiot Kid back when the movies came out so I can't say. Clearly the movie is silly and goofy, I can't tell how different it really is from the others though. So lemme think it through. There's not really any exciting trap filled cave to explore. I mean, they explore some stuff, but... it's not the same. They really are just exploring, there's no trap boulders. I think perhaps Indiana Jones has just been cannibalized. We've seen it all before. It can only be bigger and more ridiculous. The days of a simple time of puzzle solving is perhaps over, figuring out how to spell Jehova has lost its appeal because we've spelt it so many times before with doofs like Nic(k) Cage. Perhaps there's just an anger that we can't feel the way the originals made us feel when we were kids. Unlike Harrison Ford, we're just too damn old. We'll just have to deal with Shia's insults about our age and take comfort in the winks at the camera every now and then.
Shia's awed silence promptly followed by a NONONONONONONONONONONO!!!